The World According to Mommy

Thankfully I have most of my Christmas shopping done, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned about babies after having Nate around for the past nine months, it’s that they are not very good shopping companions.

They’re not really awake all that long between naps. This makes getting out of the house, getting to the store, getting some shopping done, then getting back home before baby gets tired very difficult.

They won’t sleep anywhere except in their crib (or at least the one I have won’t), so no long shopping excursions hoping they’ll sleep in the stroller or the car seat. This will not work and will only enrage the baby, making him scream and cry at you the whole way home.

There’s all the stuff you have to bring with you if you even step one foot out of the door with a baby. It is a requirement that you bring a large bag stuffed with everything and anything that you might possibly need for any real or imagined catastrophe that could possibly take place. This bag is your lifeline, and if you lose it, you are screwed.

The babies like to be fed often, and it doesn’t matter one little bit to them that you are just going to run into this one last store real quick, or that you really, really need to try on these 18 bras so that you can finally get one that fits. If they are hungry, they let you know it, usually quite loudly and impatiently. You must respond to this demand for food promptly, whether rushing to get out of a store or standing half-naked in a dressing room.

All of this makes for a sometimes chaotic and unappealing shopping experience. But the shopping must be done, and the only reward you will get will be a “thank you” here and there from the recipients of all that stuff you bought, plus the chorus of “He’s so cute!”, “Look at those beautiful blue eyes!”, “What a happy little boy!” that you hear from just about everyone who stops to admire your cute, although reluctant, shopping companion.