Recently we were hanging out with friends who have two young sons (the youngest of which is actually one week older than Nate), and we got to talking about whether either of us wanted to have more children. Our friends feel like their family is complete with their two boys, and I said that I would definitely like to have more children. I said I had always wanted to have children who were relatively close in age, then we started talking about how Nate was going to be a year old soon, that you are pregnant for nine months, it probably takes a few months to get pregnant (if getting pregnant with Nate is any indication), then that would make them just about two years apart.
About this time I looked over to Matt and said, “I was actually just looking at the pictures from the day Nate was born. It brought back such great memories, and it really makes me want to have another one soon.” Matt, who wants more children like I do, said something I didn’t expect. He said, “You can’t go back.“
“It’s not going to be the same with the second baby,” he said. “I was there in that little hospital room with the two of you the whole time we were there. I never left. I’m not going to be able to do that with the next baby, because we’ll have Nate at home. So it won’t be exactly the same.”
I mentioned that we would have the grandparents here to take care of Nate, but even as I said that, I knew he was right. It wouldn’t be the same.
It’s not that I want to have another baby to relive all those memories with Nate all over again, at least it had never crossed my mind. But after Matt said what he did, it got me thinking. I think when I imagined having a second baby I did see things happening pretty much exactly like they did with Nate: Matt sleeping those three nights on that terribly uncomfortable cot, in that terribly small room; Matt going with Nate to each and every check-up he had with the nurses (the ones that occurred every four hours, and even if they occurred in the middle of the night); being so happy in that darkened hospital room, watching some terrible late-night TV, nursing Nate, and seeing Matt asleep on that cot, there to make sure we were both OK. All the little things that happened those first few days after Nate’s birth, all the things that I remember so vividly, all the things that, yes, I would love to experience again.
But Matt’s right. It will be different with the next baby. It will be different and it will be wonderful. It will be that baby’s story and that baby’s memories. All I know is that Nate has been a blessing, and a joy, and so much fun. I hope one day we are blessed a second time.
Although I think we might better wait until his teething has passed before we think about expanding our little family. Let me just say that some days Nate is more of a blessing than others.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I love that Engle family!
We are discovering how true it is that “you can’t go back.” It has taken me a little while to stop expecting Addison to be just like Aidan was — she doesn’t nurse the same, she doesn’t sleep the same, etc. But that’s one of the coolest things about having 2, all the new discoveries and experiences! And I have to tell you, watching your 1st meet your 2nd child for the first time is something you will never, ever forget, and something you didn’t get to have when Nate was born!
Sometimes I get afraid I’ll forget too much. I loved every minute and every memory of my daughter as an infant, and now that she’s a little older I still feel the same way. I can’t possibly soak everything in that I want to.
Nicki’s last blog post..A Wreath and a Tree
Well, I’ve been there, and then some as I have three children. My first two are 15 months apart (on purpose!) which means you’d be 3 months pregnant now. And my third is 3.5 years younger than the 2nd, as we needed a bit of a break.
For me, my family didn’t feel complete without my daughter, and now it does. That’s the short answer, which will have to do as I just heard her wake up!
Kelly from Almost Frugal’s last blog post..Becoming Frugal is Like Quitting Smoking